Picky Eating can be defined along either or both of two dimensions:
- The extent to which one’s diet is restricted – Picky Eaters tend to exclude a great many things from their diet, often whole food groups, such as fruits or vegetables. Particular textures may be excluded also.
- The reasons why one’s diet is restricted – Many Picky Eaters do not on the whole refuse their avoided foods because they just don’t like the taste, or because of some aversive physiological reaction to them. Often they have never even tried the foods they avoid. They just can’t bring themselves to put these foods in their mouth. What happens when they do is another story – they may well dislike certain tastes or textures to the point of not being able to tolerate them. Many picky eaters will say that certain foods just don’t seem like food to them. For many the avoidance is more like an instinct about certain foods than an attitude learned from experience with that particular food.
There are other characteristics of Picky Eating which some but not all picky eaters may share. It usually starts in late infancy/early childhood. Certainly, most picky eaters will have developed their problem before the age of 5, and the majority of those within the first 2 years of life.
Some picky eaters also have some degree of OCD, and some have a parent who is restricted (though usually to a lesser extent) in the range and types of food they will eat. Many people have a few specific foods they don’t like, or even can’t bear. Picky Eaters have rather a lot of these (!), often excluding whole food groups, even when they have no experience with them. This in my opinion is what makes Picky Eating different from the food preferences of the rest of the population.
If you identify yourself with picky eating for any reason, please feel free to contribute here.
“Picky Eaters do not on the whole refuse their avoided foods because they don’t like the taste, texture or smell, or because of some aversive physical reaction to them”
I disagree with this. I generally avoid trying foods in the first place, especially when my instinct (or sense of smell) says I wont like it, but there are also foods that I’ve made myself try where the texture/taste/etc is too much and I can’t eat all of it.
Thanks for this Mat. I’ve amended the relevant part accordingly to take into account what you say.
I do see what you mean, but I was trying to capture what is different (in my view) about picky eating compared to the food preferences of “normal” people.
Ive considered myself a vegetarian my whole life, although it isnt fully true. I love the taste of chicken broth but cant get myself to eat chicken…it doesnt stop there, i have spent time away from home up to 6-7 months and when i couldn’t find food that i “trusted” i would rely on foods that i knew would get me to survive the time i was there, “minute rice” with butter and salt, “frosted flakes” and of course “alphagetti’s”. I spend years uncomfortable at restaurants, at my inlaws, at family events, always wondering about the food. I was hoping it was a faze, unfortunatly this has gone on for at least 20 years and it has gotten to be a whole lot to deal with. I’ve recently moved away from home into a new city where food that i was a custom isnt available, ive gone back to my habits of eating minut rice and stuff but cant keep doing it… Does anyone have advice for me? Therapist, Hypnotist…?
Hi Marilyn
Welcome to the site. I’ve been a bit quiet lately – sorry about that!
I came across this site today by accendent…I’m glad to here that I am not the only one like this…. I too have wondered if a hypnotist would help. I have been told when I was younger I eat everything.
Now My food is simple pasta (like spagetti, cheese raviolies, Lasagna) Tex mex tacos with ground beef only, cheese enchalatas & rice.
Don’t eat steak, chiken or seafood. hamberger meat is the only meat I will eat…bacon if real crisp.
I will eat fish if it is fried flownder (or fish sticks) I’m not a Vegitaren because I don’t eat fruit or veggies. Don’t eat breakfast much, don’t like eggs or pancakes. just don’t like breakfast foods. Toast with crispy bacon…or a donute is ok (plain though)
Makes going out to restants that are new or dinner at someones house often unconfortable or worrysome.
I have been a “picky-eater” too long too remember when it started, so I guess all my life. I don’t eat any kind of veggies, and very few fruits(bananas & sometimes apples). I tell myself I will try to eat healthy, but the thought of veggies makes me ill. Needless to say, I have a variety of health problems, with my weight being the worst. I would be open to hypnotism if anyone has been hynotized to eat veggies. I have acid reflux and migraines also. And if you take all the “trigger” foods out of my diet, with the ones I already won’t eat…it’s pretty much bread and water. Has anyone tried to be hypnotize?
My son is 16 years old. His pickyness started at age 2. I am really not sure what happened to cause this – his two older sisters do not have the same problem. He will only eat a handful of foods (plain hamburgers, bean burritos – beans and cheese only -, pizza – pepperoni only – cheese crisps, some fruits, NO veggies ever!!! No casseroles or mixed foods ever. He is frustarted at social events, his friends tease him. It’s a horrible mess. If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them. Thanks!!
I’m like this. Some foods I can’t actually bring myself to try because I’m scared I’ll have such an adverse reaction to it. Love the site
I have been a “picky-eater” for 19 years (since I was 2) . I don’t eat any meat or fish, any fruit or any vegetables other than potatoes. At first I thought I was the only one with this problem. I have tried (and been forced) over the years to try new things but the thought of new foods make me feel sick. Does anyone else get this? I’m scared to try anything new incase it makes me ill. Has anyone found anything that works? Thanks.
I found your site by accident and have been completely overwhelmed. As so many people have said, I had no idea this was actually a recognized problem. I like the term Selective Eating Disorder. It doesn’t sound nearly as judgmental as “picky.”
I live in the U.S., am 60, and have been picky my entire life. No vegetables (except for potatoes and onions), very few fruits, no eggs, no cheese, no salads, no soups, no casseroles, no ethnic food, nothing that has ever even been close to a tomato or garlic, no condiments. There are a few meats I will eat, but only if they’re prepared completely plain–no sauce or gravy or spices. In fact I pretty much won’t eat anything unless I know exactly what’s in it. Many dishes simply look and smell revolting. I know exactly how something will taste by the smell. Many times when I’ve tried to eat something my throat just locks up, and more than once I’ve actually vomited. Now I no longer make an attempt, as I know what the inevitable result will be. Unsurprisingly, this has been a huge issue in my life, with both my marriages, and all social engagements. My friends are, for the most part, tolerant, but countless times in my life I’ve been judged as deficient, made fun of, scorned, and simply left out of activities where food is involved. I try to make it clear to people that I do not want to be catered to. At virtually every restaurant I can find something to eat, even if it’s just bread or a bowl of plain rice. I want people to understand that I’m there for the company, not merely the food. But I know many times my presence is like a millstone around the collective necks. I’ve tried many times to deal with this, with no success, and I do take vitamins and calcium. I have finally decided to accept myself as I am, knowing that it would be better for me if I ate a well-rounded diet, but that it just isn’t going to happen. I’m sorry to have gone on for so long, it’s simply the first time in my life I’ve ever had the luxury of communicating with individuals who share and understand this problem. Thanks so much for this site.
Hi all! Thanks for posting. Glad you found the site.
Marieclaire I really resonate with your story.
Also, Brenda, I don’t know what to advise. I will put up a post on it, and we can see what others have to say. In the meantime, your son should definitely check out the site – maybe he will feel less bad to know he’s not the only one. And maybe his friends should check it out too, though I guess that’s a long-shot.
Marieclaire,
Thank you for sharing your story.
My diet seems to be very similar to yours except I will eat some cheese (american, cheddar and swiss) and you eat rice. I’ve come close to eating rice afew times but backed off. I think rice is a possibility but I have never been hungry enough.
Socially I’m also like you also, I go for the company not the food. Food just isn’t a priority in my life. I eat to stay alive, not for fun.
Our ages are close too and I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that I won’t change but regrets and this site has me thinking.
Thanks again,
Marieclaire,
I with ya sister, I could feel your frustration and resignation. Thank you for vocalizing my thoughts exactly about being a “picky” eater. I too like the term “selective eating disorder”.
Hi, again. I recently discovered a tv program here in the states called Bizarre Foods. The host travels all over the world eating foods common to the country. Of course worms and other insects; bats; goose tongues (surprisingly long);chicken uterus; rooster testicles; eggs removed from a chicken before being laid; and rotten, fermented tofu that has been ‘curing’in a frightening black liquid for weeks. The last was the only item that the host couldn’t get down, had to spit it into his napkin.
There are loads of other, even more unbelievable things that are universally disgusting. I have this strange fascination with the program. As yet they have not shown a single item that I would ever even smell, let alone taste. I almost gag just from watching him enthusiastically try anything set in front of him. I thought of all the people I’ve become “acquainted” with on this site, and couldn’t imagine that anyone would be any more willing than I to try to eat these revolting foods.
This show has become a real guilty pleasure; I eagerly await the next episode, knowing I’ll see something ghastly beyond my wildest dreams. And being comforted by the thought that I’ll never encounter any of the dishes being served.
I’ve tried to watch that program that Mariclaire is referring to and there is no way I can watch. It is disgusting and I think I would rather watch “Fear Factor”. (not really, watching people gag and throwup is not my idea of an entertaining show)
I agree with what Jack Says. The main reason I eat is to live. I dont really get any enjoyment out of food. If there were pills I could take instead of eating, id jump at the chance. 3 square pills a day !!
That said, I do like my snack foods, in fact I think I am addicted to potato chips.
KAT asked about hypnosis. I have been a picky eater for 39 years. I tried hypnosis twice–about 10 years apart. The first time, it helped me eat a little bit of salad even though I have never cared for the taste of veggies. The 2nd time under hypnosis allowed me to accept a few other foods–those unfamiliar to me especially–which was most helpful on a vacation in Mexico one year. While hypnosis helped in a very small way, it’s a very weak stimulus that requires repeated “therapy” (By that I mean one must listen to the session–recorded on cassette–on a daily basis).
My thought was that if I could simply trick my mind into accepting any and all foods, my problem would go away. I would love an instant cure, but unfortunately, no one seems to have the right answer.
Hi DV
My feelings about hypnosis are the same as yours. I do find when I’m having to eat really borderline stuff that if I can just keep a good control of my mind I can manage not to gag. It’s just a VERY difficult thing to do, and in many cases impossible.
I am the mother of 4 children, the youngest is a 13-year-old boy. He is the picky eater.
As a baby and toddler he ate everything I served him, but as he got older he became increasingly picky. Now he states that he “hates his life” because he can’t eat what we eat (his diet is mostly cereal, peanut butter sandwiches, grilled cheese, chips, breakfast foods). He doesn’t/can’t eat meat, vegies, potatoes. He “hates” going to restaurants with the family, embarassed that he can’t order off the same menu as everyone else.
Tonight he tried a bite of a hamburger and spit it out before he started to gag. I told him I was proud of him for trying. Then he started crying and stated he “hates his life:. I held him for a minute or so, then offered to make him a grilled cheese sandwich, which he accepted.
I’m wondering about counseling.. to help him take charge of this issue.
My concerns are for him socially, for his self-esteem. Has anyone had counseling?
Hiya well i have always been fussy with my food but this is what i dont eat basically: Fruit, Veg and meat i dont like pasta or speghetti or cheese or tomatos or anything like that. All i eat is chips, waffles, chocolate and crisps, but im even fussy about those, i dont like all brands that make waffles etc and i really dont like all chips, i dont eat all the types of chocolate and i am truely happy to know there are others out there like me, and reading through this site i know that i am not a lone and you all think and feel the same as i do and that makes me feel good to know that none of us are on our own with this problem so thankyou everone.
Katrina,
I am a 27 year old picky eater. I was forced into counseling and institutionalized when I was 10. I resented my mother for forcing me into it. Absolutely nothing was accomplished. The only help that I left with was using the foods that I would eat or tolerate to create a more well rounded meal. Like eating something with peanut butter for protein and drinking a fruit juice to substitute for fruit. But here I am now and facing the same decision for myself. I am researching CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) and Hypnotherapy (which I tried about 5 years ago to no avail). If you do take this route I suggest it be a mutual decision for you and your son. It doesn’t get any easier socially, mentally, physically. I wish I would have had the resolve and determination to get help at an earlier age. Please continue to help and support him. Don’t give up, I’m not going to.
I have recently read a theory about “an over-sensitivity to disgust” which I found very helpful to understanding my “selective eating disorder” (I like this term too!) It goes like this: Disgust is a natural reaction (emotion) which has evolved over millions of years in human behaviour and is designed to help us identify and avoid things that may look like food but are in fact dangerous or unsuitable to eat (ie.which may be poisonous). For people like us, this perfectly natural emotion which everyone can identify with, has become disfunctionally attached or associated with foods which “normal” people find perfectly acceptable.
I am 45 years old and have been unable to eat 95% of foods all my life. I have exactly the same reactions to most foods as all the people contributing here have mentioned and like you all, I’ve found it a revelation and a huge relief to find that I’m not alone in this. Like many of you I too have developed elaborate social avoidance tecniques to cope with everyday life. These of course mean that I miss out on the things most people regard as normal pleasures (eating out, family and social functions etc etc). Of course it doesn’t necessarily feel like I’m missing out – ( I always want folk to just leave me alone, so I don’t have to explain myself or face my embarrasment) but deep down I know I am missing out and I long to be “normal”.
I first sought help 10 years ago and was offered only one treatment – CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which essentially means facing your fears slowly, over and over again until the anxiety reduces and finally disappears. So far I’ve been unable to make much progress with this and have instead used the same classic avoidance tecniques to put off the day when I make a real attempt at this type of self – treatment.
Finding this site (and others), and watching TV programmes like “Freaky Eaters” recently screened by the BBC, and the “Farm for Fussy Eaters” on UKTV Style, has emboldened me and given me hope that given enough effort and perseverance this tried and tested form of self-help (CBT) can be the answer to this problem. So far, in 2 weeks of serious effort I have made some significant progress in trying new foods – a thing unheard of for me for 40 years ! I can’t say I’m enjoying these new foods or the process itself, but what I can say that it’s getting easier and I’m growing in confidence with every day I manage to keep it up.
I gave up smoking 15 years ago after years of convincing myself that quitting was an impossible task – many people who still smoke feel the same sort of hopelessness as we do over our “picky eating”, over their inability to give up the fags. Like them we must prepare ourselves for the effort required and really believe and convince ourselves that WE CAN DO IT – in the end, after all “it’s mind over matter”.
For anyone who’s interested in following my progress my contact web address is cctxt2802@yahoo.com . Please don’t pass this on to anyone who hasn’t got a real interest in the problem of eating disorders or I may have to get a new email address! I’ll try and reply to any queries and hope that everyone here has some success with their problem too. Colin T.
Hi Everyone I was just wondering has any one actually found the secret on how to be “normal” becuase I am still trying and I haven’t got anywhere. You may see my comments above has anyone got a cure, It would be nice if there was a pill or something we could take so we could actually go out and enjoy a nice meal and just eat like everyone else. Instead of having to head to the nearest chip shop or something. Or find the nearest take away. I know that my favourite waffles are not being sold at the moment anywhere so I am finding it so hard to eat a meal at the moment what do you do when your running out of meals to eat? Any ideas anyone.
P.s I think your all brilliant for coming on here and sharing your problems becuase I know I can say you have all helped me to know i am not on my own (none of us are alone with this problem)
I am so glad to know there are so many others out there like me. I almost wish we could get together and have a convention.
Hi Claire & everyone else reading this,
My name is Helen and I’m working on a new series of Freaky Eaters for BBC 3. We are currently looking for people to take part in the series, share their experiences with food and try to change the way they eat. The series will offer professional help and advice from a nutritionist and psychologist and aims to over come the issues that have made having a normal diet so difficult.
If you’d like to chat more about the show please feel free to give me a call on 020 7907 0899 or email freaky.eaters@betty.co.uk
I look forward to hearing from you
Helen
“Selective Eating Disorder” – like it.
My sister directed me to this site and from reading through the description and a few comments, i can completely relate to many things brought up from suffering alike. However I won’t go on to explain my story as I’m sure the main thing we’re all interested in is sorting ourselves out!!
I came to the conclusion that my problem came from being force fed at a young age therefore giving me a subconscious food avoidance..along with many uncomfortable dinner occasions being unable to eat with everyone else, I think I’ve blocked out the awkwardness of this problem, therefore subconsciously giving up on fixing the problem..I agree with Colin in concentrating on mind over matter, also in relation with smoking. I believe that if it’s possible to learn how to control the fear,disgust or whatever it is that we all have stopping us from eating freely then we can manipulate it to our benefit..unfortunately I haven’t mastered that technique yet.
I tried hypnotherapy at an early age and found myself eating a couple more meals but nothing too dramatic, at 20 I tried again knowing that hypnotherapy will only work if you are 100% committed and determined to change whatever it is you’re altering..but nothing changed there either…though I don’t think the hypnotist got to the point I believed was the start of my selective eating phase.
I’ve found that by just forcing myself to eat something presented before me has worked – specifically when staying at a friends for a while and being starving enough to pick up the cutlery..although when I have tried even with family I couldn’t quite muster up the strength to eat something foreign to me. I constantly find myself asking a million questions when I venture to eat foreign food and i’m trying to force myself into concentrating on my hunger, rather than on what exactly it is i’m about to try.
I read a comment or an article, i can’t remember, on a chef with selective eating disorder and found that fascinating – he made other people taste his food to check that it was alright..so I’m trying to get a better understanding of food by cooking meals I wouln’t usually eat and watching food programs..that way getting a better understanding of what textures are to be expected rather than being overwhelmed on the first taste. I find it easier to incorporate food I would normally eat and combine it with a foreign food to me..
Although I haven’t succeeded in my efforts yet, I don’t see myself giving up for a while..I can talk openly about things with selected people and many offer to help – particularly living in a house with friends at university…by helping people understand I find it more comforting when they offer their help and more willing to listen to them…being stubborn obviously doesn’t help so I need a big amount of persuasion if I’m going to get anywhere!
I am interested in this C.B.T business and will probably have a look into it in the near future..in the meantime I hope we all discover some sort of method out of this hole, or at least learn to live happily enough not to care anymore…
All the best, Ryan
Hey!
I have had this problem from since ever i can remember. I have never ate proper food. Its really frustrating because people always tell you just to eat, but its not as easy as that. I have improved the last few years though since i moved out of home. I now find the food i was eating boring. I dont eat great now – but i can go out for a meal and not feel isolated! i believe it does get better with age and maybe one day i will eat “normal”! at least this brings to light you are not alone. x
I’ve always been weird with food. I don’t leave out whole groups, I’m just very selective about what I’ll eat and how I’ll eat it. I’m one of 4, and none of my siblings are as fussy as me. Also, although my mam used to do the whole “no dessert until you’ve finished your meal” trick, if she realised I truly couldn’t stomach something (like cooked tomatoes, my idea of hell!), she never forced me to have them. So I really can’t blame my upbringing.
I found by reading about healthy eating, it really gave me the motivation to try new things. I was worried about putting on weight, as heart disease runs in the family, so aged 21 I decided that if I start now, it’ll be less of a shock, than if I wait till I’m 40 and have to change or else. I set myself a goal of attempting at least one new food every month. I even found a few things I now really like, like prawns and raw spinach. Cooked spinach is still disgusting though! I’m still not ‘normal’ but I’m definitely better. Now I’m nearly 23. I still don’t do Italian, but at least I eat more than one type of cheese now!
I have a son who just turned 4, and he also is extremely selective in what he eats. (He eats waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, french toast, and chips and crackers, and fried chicken and quesadillas if we get them from a restaraunt. Not a single fruit or vegetable.) For awhile we were just giving him what we were eating, but he ended up getting sick and the doctor told us he was too slim, so we reverted back to feeding him whatever he wants.
A couple of months ago we went to a Feeding Clinic and met with all sorts of specialists. The psychologist in the group recommended successive appoximations (slowly introducing a food by having him tolerate it on his plate, then touch it, then bring it to his mouth to touch his lips, etc.) This hasn’t really worked very well, even though we started with a food that he liked only a few months ago (cheerios).
Our son says that things “smell bad.” He has an incredible gag reflex, even gagging when we used a slightly different toothpaste one night. I’m very worried about his quality of life, particularl given some of the comments above. Does anybody have any recommendations of what maybe could have been done differently when you were little?
Hello A-M
It sounds as if you’ve had a lot of success in overcoming this. Well done you. I’m just really starting on it in earnest.
Johanna, I don’t know what to suggest. Thinking back through my own experience, what would have made it better is first and foremost for it to have been accepted – ie that I couldn’t eat certain stuff, rather than that I was just choosing not to. Explicitly-acknowledged attempts to help would have been nice as well. I wouldn’t bother with the successive approximations for things I already like, but only for the inedible stuff. And, I think, as a child, being able to talk about and share the experience of what each thing was like would have been good. As I am now (belatedly) doing with my Operation Fruitalicious posts.
I too have stumbled upon this site by accident (it was the 5th link when I googled picky eating). I have been a picky eater since I turned 1 year old. My mother said I ate everything she fed me until then. I’m assuming that was when she stared feeding be adult food (food not puréed from a baby food jar). I have problems with textures and smells. I do eat meat, cheeses, eggs, vegetables and fruits BUT I do prefer most fruit and veggies to be raw. I will eat pureed spaghetti sauce but not catsup nor tomatoes.
I have found great techniques in recent years for finding ways to socialize with others at restaurants, I check out the menus online before we go. Then I know what meal to choose and I know how to ask it to be prepared.
One of my issues is that I will not eat a meal cold that is normally served hot. Such as Pizza, pasta, etc. I think it was because my parents insisted that I eat what was on my plate or go to bed hungry. There were many nights that I sat at the table alone staring at my plate and by the time I was hungry enough, it was too cold (this was in the days before microwaves). I don’t blame my parents because they couldn’t afford to make a separate meal for me every night.
This is a solution that I have found helpful and I hope others will find helpful too. I concentrate on what I like. Say for instance pasta. I make my pasta the way I always have but once in a while, I’ll add a different spice or side dish. I never liked pasta salad but I do now.
Unfortunately, I do like the things that are bad for you, sugar, chocolate, salt, etc. Again, for those who wish to try to branch out, try spin-offs of what you already like. It will take time. Be patient. But keep trying.
My aunt once made a deal with me to try one new food a month. I couldn’t keep up with it but I do try some things, just I do it at home so I don’t make others uncomforable.
Colleen
Hi Everyone,
I was watching the food network channel and what happened to be on was a special called “my life in food: I’m an adult picky eater.” I started watching and it brought me to tears how closely it related to my own life experiences with foods. Mostly the stories of the blond woman Rae and the man named Bob. I can’t express the relief I felt that I was able to call my mother and my fiance and tell them that I’M NOT CRAZY!! This is real!! I was so excited to come across this show and find out about the website.
Hilary
glad to know about this, picky eaters, how you are about this.I felt very loving when the Food Chanel aired this, glad to see what this means to you…that you are not being difficult.That it is real for you with consequence, like eating alone and other
problems created for you…we tend to measure others by what is normal for us, and do not understand why it is different for someone else. God bless and hope for you nall.
Marigold -
I left a longer note for you below. I hope it finds its way to you.
Mariclaire
Hi,
Im an awfully fussy eater i live on monzerella and tomarto pizza, chips, plain bread and chocolate. I have never ate a sandwich and find going for dinner etc very difficult. I went to GP for help and they were no surpport what so ever they didnt understand. I gag if i put foods i dont like in my mouth and it may cause health problams at a later date which worries me. Has anyone else here got help from anywhere?
gem x x x
Marigold -
My heartfelt thank you–and I know I’m speaking for many of “us,” the food lepers. Your understanding and compassion are like balm for a wound. Unlike the impatience, the accusations, and the mean words most of us have endured so very often in our lives. My sincerest gratitude to you for taking the time to bestow this gift on us, the afflicted, who have– sadly–become all too familiar with the nastiness of “normal” eaters.” Bless you.