However, I reject most of your vegetarian comparisons. Surely some vegetarians hate meat or are grossed out by it. Most of the ones that I know, including my husband and me, are vegetarians for ethical reasons. I know filet mignon is delicious, and ate it joyfully before I became a vegetarian. However, I find the concept of murdering another living, breathing , intelligent creature for me to eat recreationally when I can easily get all of my nutrition without killing to be morally repugnant. It’s a choice for me because I choose not to have an animal die for me. I also choose not to support factory farms and slaughterhouses. There is nothing humane about the way those poor animals live. It’s not a choice made because bacon isn’t delicious.

Also, I realize you’re in the UK where vegetarianism is much more prevalent, but here in the US, we endure MANY Facebook groups about how eating meat is superior and vegetarians are idiots.

I often regret my situation and wish it were different.
Especially when I see other couples enjoying a meal together.
I do feel that in someways I have been a major burden to my wife of 35 years. I do feel that because of me we have missed out on alot, and “I don’t know what I’m missing”…..

Also, z, you’re very welcome to comment here, as is anyone with a benign interest, picky or not. Some picky eaters can’t eat meat at all, but I wouldn’t necessarily group them with vegetarians, who, by definition (in my mind) make a choice.

Also, a big hi to Jack – sorry to hear about your recent debacle. It’s weird how insensitive even the loveliest of people can be about this topic. Feel free to vent at any time, that’s what we’re here for.

“The affliction of picky eating only really becomes a problem, and a cause of anxiety, when in social situations.”

You seem to say this as though it’s no big deal, oh, it’s “only” social situations, not a problem. But there are people who don’t GO to social situations because of their problems with picky eating. It’s difficult to go have dinner at someone else’s house when you don’t know if you’re going to be able to eat anything that they serve, so it’s easier to just not go. I’m fortunate in that I can generally find something to eat at a restaurant, but there are people who can’t even do that and so going out to eat isn’t even an option for them.

“And as to whether it is anyone’s business, I’m afraid its not as black-and-white as you suggest. ”

I don’t see why not. If vegetarianism, veganism, keeping Kosher, various allergies and intolerances, and all the other different eating habits and issues are accepted and dealt with, why shouldn’t this be accepted and dealt with just the same? I would never DREAM of having someone to dinner without first asking them if they liked (and ate) what I was planning to serve, and if they didn’t like it, I would make something else, no questions asked.

I don’t ‘owe’ anything to ‘normal’ eaters. That is unbelievable rubbish spoken from the position of privilege. You can walk into a party with a buffet or a restaurant and get food you not only can tolerate but likely enjoy, and not just a few things but many different choices. I walk into that same party and I look at the twenty different dishes on the table and try and find one or two things that look edible. I look at a that restaurant’s menu and see if I’ll be able to special-order something in such a way that I’ll actually be able to eat it. WHAT exactly are you OWED?

And in any case, your argument about the legitimacy of questioning that choice is highly dubious. My right to choose what to not put into my own personal body really is no-one’s business but my own. You maybe want to go and read at Devil’s Kitchen about the patheticness of “being offended”. If people choose to be offended by other people’s very personal and highly intimate choices about what they do not wish to eat, then maybe they need to take a look at themselves and realise that those choices have nothing whatsoever to do with them.

A man might be “offended” if I don’t wish to sleep with him, but does that trump my right to choose? I think not. Listen to what you’re arguing for!

If you had any idea of what picky eaters put themselves through out of consideration for ‘normal’ eaters, you really wouldn’t be harping on about what you’re ‘owed’. It is out of consideration that we’ve kept quiet about it, tolerated the insensitivity, the insults and the lack of respect, and shouldered the burden of shame our whole lives. I for one have had enough of that.

Of course, all this is academic in the case of picky eating though, because as I and others have said it is most definitely not a choice. That is why it is a problem. I am unable to eat the things I would like to. I am missing out on a very great deal, through no fault of my own. And a blind person does not, in my view, ‘owe’ terribly much to sighted people in the way of not “offending” them by virtue of his blindness. If you’re ‘offended’ by other people’s disabilities, count yourself lucky you’re not saddled with it yourself. Ooh, this makes me so mad, Rob.

What I choose to eat is surely no-one’s business but my own, barring ethical considerations. And what I choose to not eat, is even less anyone else’s business.

… this looks like you’re trying to have your cake and eat it (is that a good or a bad idiom on this site!?). It seems odd to argue on the one-hand that you’ve got a disability, an affliction you would rather not have if given the choice; and then on the other hand, assert that your right to make choices is being comprimised.

And as to whether it is anyone’s business, I’m afraid its not as black-and-white as you suggest. As we’ve discussed before, there are social and cultural aspects to cooking and eating, which may mean that others are offended by your unwillingness to (literally) break bread with them. Personally, I don’t think that cultural norms should always trump personal choice, but nevertheless there is a case to answer. The affliction of picky eating only really becomes a problem, and a cause of anxiety, when in social situations. Many of the discussions and sentiments on this site seem to suggest that the problem is not just a lack of understanding between ‘normal’ and picky eaters. The premise is that us ‘normal’ eaters are owed some consideration too, hence the conflict.

I just wanted to mention that, for some, vegetarianism is a lifestyle choice, for others it is a manifestation of picky eating too. I read a website on veganism recently where it was apparent that the writer, while saying he was governed by moral issues, was evidently physically revolted by the notion of putting any food derived from an animal in his mouth and he refused to accept that honey bees have any environmental benefit, as he so hates the fact that honey is produced through their bodies. And I’ve a friend who nearly starved to death rather than eat an animal product – she would only eat fruit and vegetables and that’s not enough to live on.

I always have hidden way way back in my noggin that I could change if I wanted, but I don’t and can’t but I could….maybe…

Lately I hate everybody. Saturday night my sister-in laws boyfriend made a joke about me because I orderd a dinner specifically the way I like it. He did this in a group, something about a “nice dinner for a 6 year old”…..
The old fool is lucky to be alive. This is a man that takes his shoes and socks off in public to ‘air them out”…..but do I make jokes that would embarass him?……wait till next time you old goat…

Sorry for getting off topic….