I imagine there are quite a few people who’ve spent a good many years dealing with picky eating day in and day out. If you’re like me, there are some days when you almost forget about it and there are other days when you’re really wound up about the whole issue and fervently wish you had a solution. So given that it does have such a big influence on your daily life, what impact has it had?
In my case I used to be quite timid and fairly introverted right through childhood and adolescence. I got much worse in early adulthood, especially as I became more exposed to the difficulties of eating in public. While I was doing OK in my professional life, I knew I was going to struggle to be successful if something didn’t change.
Around my 30th birthday I decided to make some changes and start dealing with my issues. I knew there was no chance my eating habits were going to change, so I had to begin accepting that and working out a way forward. My marriage came to an end as I switched focus and that further forced me to take control of my life. I developed a strategy for eating out that I could live with and pretty much decided to avoid social eating at people’s homes wherever possible. From there I managed to gain a lot more confidence, to the point that I really felt like I had this under control.
Subsequently I have managed to make a reasonable success of my career, but I often think if I hadn’t made a conscious decision to stop my food phobia controlling me, I doubt it would’ve been quite the same story.
Does anybody else have an experience along the same lines?
Phil
PS Thanks for sharing the blog Claire!
Hello Clare & Phil my story is very similar to this as I was finding it harder to deal with in my teens and twenty’s and then I just started telling everyone I had a food fetish and we got it out in the open and now nobody cares least of all me. Since then I managed to find a really nice and very supportive wife and I’ve got a couple of promotions so I’m doing okay now I say.
Bennie Zacharias, Cardiff
Hi Bennie! I’m half-welsh, my mother’s family were from Cardiff. Small world. I’m glad you’ve had such a positive outcome. I found getting it out in the open was the only alternative for me – I just couldn’t put myself through trying to hide it. I’m not really sure what other people think of me because of my eating, but I don’t give that much thought to it really, because the alternative is not that appetising to me. Having said that, I’m at an academic conference at the minute, which will involve social/professional/formal eating – in the past, I have tried to hide it, or at least minimise it the best I can, just on instinct of how I imagine the truth would go down. But this time, I won’t be doing that, because, thanks to Bob, I know I’m not alone, it’s an actual thing that other people have, and if people don’t know about it, I don’t any longer feel that that makes it less ok. So if you’re reading this, thanks Bob!
ps, Thanks for joining in Phil! (and Bennie)
Hello Everyone,
I have been a picky eater ever since I can remember. I have often asked my mother if she knows when it started and she doesn’t really recall. I am in my mid 40s and my diet consists of meats (turkey, beef, chicken and pork) assuming they are cooked pretty blandly, potatoes (mashed and fried), chocolate (most kinds), fruits (watermellon, cantelope and apples) and white bread. I eat absolutely no vegtables of any sort unless you count potatoes.
I made a decision about a year ago to try and face this issue and try and get some help. As I am sure many of you have experienced it is next to impossible to explain it and have anyone understand. I mostly decided to try and get help because it sometimes feels like it is destroying my life. Only my closest friends and family know about it. If I try to tell someone else about it they are either so curious it becomes the main topic of conversation or they just think I am being unreasonable and tell me it is all in my head. I first told my regular doctor who suggested that perhaps therapy might be an answer. That led me to a therapist who suggested I contact an eating disorders institute. I was told there that this was not a disorder and they only dealt with anorexia. They suggested that I might be a candidate for the Binge Eating Disorder program. After being diagnosed with this disorder I have just finished six months of treatment. Although I did not learn to eat many more foods thorough this process I beleive my picky eating, or discrimation eating as my therapist tells me to thikn of it as, I beleive the two issues are realted. I think I binge on the foods I will eat because I think I may not see them again. I then get really sick of eating them and they will come off the list of foods I will eat either forever or I may eat them again in the future. That is another really scarey thing about this-the list of foods I will eat continues to shrink and nothing new is added.
I am overweight and dieting is almost impossible because of my limited diet. The thought of going to lunch with coworkers sends me into high anxiety because sometimes I know there will not be a single thing on the menu that I can eat. I feel bad for my friends because we can’t go to different restaurants due to my eating.
I have no idea what caused this or how to fix it. A lot of days everything is fine and other days are pure torture.
It is a huge relief to know there are others out there like me-I spent most of my life thinking that I was the only one.
Thanks for listening!
Hi Bonnie
Thanks for sharing your thoughts… I think we Picky eaters find it difficult to share are thoughts sometimes because we don’t know how we will be received… its nice to have a place to share and not be judged.
Why not suggest to your friends to pick a different restaurant every once in a while… and maybe you just eat before you go because isn’t it more important that you are all hanging out together rather than what restaurant you’re at… just sit there with a drink if you have too… at least you’re there.
Hi Bonnie, it’s good to hear your story. I think most of us spent our lives thinking we were the only one – it’s so great to know that we’re not alone.
I often eat before I go to a meal with other people, especially if it is at someone’s house, just in case. Although I have often been pleasantly surprised that restaurants I didn’t think would have anything for me actually do have stuff I can eat. Also, I sometimes carry a snack with me, especially when visiting people, to be consumed in secret, should the need arise (eg it is not good to drink alcohol on an empty stomach).
Good point Claire about the snacks! I carry a snacks myself because of those situations. I’ve made the drinking on an empty stomach mistake too many times! I’m really into those Nature Valley granola bars. A, because I like things that are crunchy (I don’t care for most granola bars because they’re soft), they taste like extra crunchy toast to me and, B, because they’re easy to have on hand in your purse. I love peanut butter so I get that kind. They are really good in the fact that it has protien and complex carbs which are good for people like us who stick to the white breads. I’d recommend trying them if they carry them in the UK. I’m not sure if they do or not.
Take care all!
Mel
I don’t exactly know what granola is, though I think we do have it here. I do know I couldn’t possibly eat it though
A shame really, as they sound good!
I’m really enjoying this site. Picky eating is pretty much a conversation killer with everybody else!
In reading many of the stories and observations here, it’s clear to me that we all experience picky eating differently. I can see that I’m very lucky, not because I can eat anything interesting but because I have a good deal of control over this area of my life.
Having been married for years and years and doing a lot of entertaining, I know how to make a lot of foods that other people like but which I won’t eat. However, there is always something that I enjoy. I now have enough confidence to simply avoid food I don’t like in my own home. I don’t “fake it” anymore at my own table. People seem to accept this since they are eating what they like.
I usually take my own lunch to work. When I eat out with coworkers, there is usally something I can eat (even if it comes off the kid’s menu). I don’t cave in to the “try this” stuff anymore. Really, if I wanted to try it, I would have ordered it. Teasing me or using peer pressure isn’t helpful.
I try to eat a little something before a meal in someone’s home. Usually there is at least one item I like. I try very hard to let the cook know that I appreciate what I can eat and I never mention what I can’t eat. Or why.
It’s easy to think of some negative things about being a picky eater but I think there can be some positive things to it (not preferable, but positive). We aren’t spending money on fad foods. We aren’t spending much time seeking after novelty in food. We probably have to learn to be a little more confident because refusing or avoiding food is such a huge deal in our culture. It’s a stupid deal, in my opinion, but it’s huge.
Hi Ginger
Glad you’re enjoying the site. It’s interesting to hear your story too, though I wonder why you never mention why you can’t eat the things you can’t eat. Also, you make some very good points about acknowledging the positive aspects of pickiness. Though I personally do have to spend perhaps more time and effort than non-picky eaters seeking after novelty in food. Still, I like your angle
Claire
It is fantastic to read these things – I only recently discovered the growing awareness of SED.
Claire: I saw myself in your post, thank you for your honesty. However, I myself CANNOT avoid social eating in my career – it’s too much of a big part of it. My colleagues have been really at me about it. The consensus seems to be that I am acting like a rude and finicky small child. To me the comments to and about me feel like harassment and I have lately been dreading going to work. Even if I tried to explain to my colleagues that it’s more of a disorder than just me being a princess, it’s still going to be awkward at larger professional lunches and dinners, and I’d rather continue to go to these. I don’t know what my point is except to actually say this. I’m finally (after all these years) going to try to find a professional to help me out with this. Thanks for listening.